10 mistakes

About a month ago, while looking through my sons weekly school papers, I came across a sign up sheet for a special parent night at his school. Topics to be discussed were test anxiety, self esteem, attendance issues, and a few others. Trying to do my best to help my chickadees I signed up, wrote the date on the calendar, notified the Hubs and lined up my daughter to babysit, as it fell on scout night.
To be completely honest, I dread school functions. I enjoy meeting the teacher, and seeing the art work, I just have this constant fear that I will trip and fall in front of everyone, including my children's classmates and teachers, or do the dreaded toilet paper behind my shoe march, and end up on the Christmas party gag real. The T.P thing hasn't happened to me yet, and so I figure that my lotto ticket is almost up on that one. Simply put, I am in perpetual fear of making a mistake.
I find that I often make the mistake of becoming impatient with my own children's mistakes. While a juice spill is not the end of the world, the fact that my 2 year old tries to make an art project with the juice I am desperately trying to clean up is some days just too much. Funny looking back, but in the moment, not so much.
The dreaded Thursday rolled around. It was busy as most Thursdays are, homework, dinner, a broken tooth thrown in just for fun, you know how it goes. As I drove up to the school, the parking lot that is usually overflowing on parents night, was almost empty. "Oh no, I must have written down the time wrong," once again beating myself up for a small mistake. With a quick call home to double check that I was indeed in the right place at the right time, I parked and entered.
The meeting had already begun and I quietly found a seat. Discussions carried on about end of grade exams and how to deal with the anxiety that exists in children who, make good grades all year, but are somehow convinced that they will be held back. They went on to something they call "school refusal". Yep folks, they finally have a name for the "syndrome" that caused me to cry each and every day from K5 to 10th grade. Unfortunately they do not know the exact cause or solution and so that too will have to go on my handy "when I have time for therapy" list, along with my dread of parents night, and my constant quest to find clothing to match the school decor, so that on parents night I can just blend and disappear.:). The moderators would begin another topic and some of the parents would chime in with questions or replies. I sat quietly on my stoop watching, listening, and taking note to call my mom about the school refusal thing. At some point the Assistant Principle jumped into the conversation and honest to goodness completely changed the way look at things.
He said that he had a poster in his office that reads,"I must make at least 10 mistakes today." Simple thought right? I find it rather profound.
We all make mistakes. Sometimes they are little mistakes like spilling juice, writing the wrong date on the calendar, or washing the new red socks with my husbands khaki work pants. Then there are the big ones, hurting someone we love, forgetting to pick the kids up at school( my tickets up on that one too, which is why my calendar is really messy). No matter the size, we all make them, and most times it seems that we beat ourselves up for the little as much as we do the big. It is easy to fall into a world where we focus on our own shortcomings rather than look at the fact that we try really hard to do the right thing.
By the time I arrived home it was jammie and bed time and so I didn't have a chance to share this new found insight with the kidlets. Friday afternoon the buses brought them home and they were ready to start the weekend. As I began to tell them of the newest house rule their faces carried looks of dread. I'm sure that thoughts of new chores were rolling around in their noggins. "From now on" I began as my little boy held his breath and my sweet girl winced,"We have to make at least 10 mistakes per day, now if you can't it's o.k., but you have to at least try." They looked at me, having no idea where this came from, or if I had actually said what I had intended. Deciding that it might be better to just accept it, rather than alert me to the fact that I may have misspoken, they went in separate directions to begin their two days of relaxation.
We are all settling into the new regime. I have thought of getting a dry erase board so that we can list all of the silly things that we do, it might be a bit to hard in the beginning, and so it will wait for while. I ask the kids daily if they have met their quota. Yesterday upon my son's arrival home I asked him how many mistakes he had made and he announced, grinning,"None". Not ten minutes later, he spilled salsa on the counter and inside the bag of tortilla chips. Thankfully, my two year old budding artist was with the grandparents, or we would have had quite the fiesta. As we cleaned up the mess he apologized. I told him that it was no big deal, and reminded him that last week I let the little one put a bar of soap in the fish tank and just this morning, I forgot to feed the cats. See how it works?

Snowday

I try to be a "glass half full" kind of girl. I try to see the good in things. In harder times I search for the blessings and lessons that can be learned. That being said, I also tend to be a worrier.Last fall I passed a church marquee that read,"A heart filled with faith has no room for fear". It spoke to me and I have since carried it in my heart. Some days I find myself repeating it over and over again. These times can be unpredictable. Bad things happen. I find it a comfort to know that my life ,and the lives of those I love, are in my God's hands. I pray that while they are away from me, He will protect them, and bring them home safely at the end of the day. My human heart still worries. Weeks are filled with work and school. Weekends arrive with lists of activities and errands, all of us running in different directions. I find myself hoping for one day to just, be. All of us together in the same place. Even if we aren't involved in the same activity, just together, in the same walls. I tend to enjoy the days when there is no schedule, no chore that can't be put off for one day.
This weekend we were blessed with two such days.
Friday evening my sweet came home with the announcement that we were expecting snow. Saturday came with a cold rain, us shuttling here and there on various errands. Yesterday morning we woke, again to rain with a few white flakes tossed in for good measure. I find that my heart still jumps when I see the first snowflakes. They dance around the sky and drift here and there. It is magical for this girl who grew up in Florida. For a short time thereafter, my adult mind drifted to calculating the number of snow days left until Spring Break is snatched away. Three as of yesterday. By 10am the rain was replaced by clots of snow, falling heavily to the ground. As the hours ticked by, the sky became thick with snow. The mountains disappeared, and the earth became a crisp white. The roads were covered by the time the news ticker began to announce school closings. Bedtimes were changed, and excitement mixed with my ever sensible children letting me know that while they were very glad to have a day off, this had to be the last, because they really need a Spring vacation.
The snow continued through last night and into this morning. A blanket of crisp white snow lay outside along with wind chills in the single digits. My husband was the first to wake, enjoying the quiet of the house, and exchanging phone calls with his friends concerning road conditions. By the time I planted my feet on the floor he had a fire going in the wood stove. The boys played happily in the living room while I shuffled sleepily to my favorite coffee cup. My sweet girl was the last to be seen and we spent part of the morning giving ourselves pedicures. Cherished time for me, as I know that much to soon she will be off on adventures of her own. My husband announced that he would be staying home as the roads were too dangerous. I find that I love his sensible side.
Today was spent all together. Each of us doing as we pleased. We ate what we wanted, dressed as we wanted, played and did just as each of us wanted. It was the day I needed. The day I had asked for. Sometimes I dread the snow, it can be inconvenient, but rather than look at it from this perspective, I choose to see it, as I believe it is, a gift. Soon enough we will be back to school and work, errands and chores. Today though, my God gave us a day together, to just stop, and be.



As side note, school has just been cancelled for tomorrow as well. Hopefully it will be the last for winter, but you can bet that this summer I will be praying for rain.:)