Life Alert Please

Littlest Little has his own littlest language which at times stumps me and even the most experienced of interpreters (Middle Little). It took me thirty or so minutes and a final pat on my legs the other night to realize that "seaewap" means "sit on your lap". He will gingerly walk into the kitchen and ask,"Wha' doin Momma?".
"Emptying the trash baby, what are you doing?"
"I doin' fine".
This conversation happens often and I love it. It makes me laugh each and every, I even provoke it sometimes.
A few days ago he walked into my room and was doing some kind of swirly thing with his arms. I smiled at him and he announced that he has "supowers"(Superpowers).
"Awesome", I said, realizing that his hands were in a flying motion and the sound he was making was that of the wind blowing by.
"You ha' supowers too mommy!"
"I do? Yeah! What are they?"
"You get cheese down."
Perfect, I thought. I'll take any superpower I can get at this point. Middle Little thinks it's pretty cool that I know how to disassemble the vacuum to remove clogs. I was deemed even cooler when I fixed his bicycle tire the other day all by myself.
Yesterday we woke up to more rain and so a morning inside was deemed necessary. I decided that with most of my early summer work done...
Start potty training......Check
Get the kids through end of year testing.........Check
Garden.............check.
Spring cleaning.....check
Littlest's birthday...check
...I decided to take down my spring decorating and put out the summer stuff. I love to change things around. It breathes new air into the house and it's kinda fun to watch the family look around to make sure they walked into the right place.
I realized that one dreaded task was way past due. I really needed to clean out the floor vents. It's a nasty job, someones got to do it and since I don't see any hands raised... I started by removing all of the vent covers and placed them into the sink to soak. Now, knowing myself very well, and knowing the fact the even though I was named for a ballerina, I was not named Grace, I thought it best to cover each hole in the floor with a chair. My superpowers have their limit you see. There are certain things I just won't do when alone with the little man. I don't climb up into the garden when no one is within shouting distance. I don't snow ski, or roller skate. Seriously if I have heard a story of anyone getting hurt doing something it is crossed of the list. I don't mow the lawn because I know a guy who cut off the larger majority of his toes once. He was all by himself and had to drive a stick shift truck to the E.R.. I also know a lady who lay in the rain for a number of hours until her daughter got home because she had broken her ankle while mowing her lawn. If it has happened to one person it might stay, two people it's gone. It's not that I live in fear and therefore base my life goals on said fear, it's just that if it isn't on my bucket list and it could cause harm off it goes. I just know my limits, and they include the fact that baths are hard to give and take with a cast on one arm, and if I break my right leg driving is out. I keep my cell in my pocket if I am climbing on anything or going into the boys closet alone. I try to be careful as the fear of getting stuck and having to holler for help or worse having to send Littlest off to the neighbors for assistance, is daunting. He would have to pass the trampoline and I'm pretty sure it would win out over his poor helpless mother. Anywhoo, I cleaned out the vent holes, and decided that it might be safe to climb up on the piano to remove the pictures from the wall and swap them out. All went well and I was sure I was in the safe zone. My supowers were indeed in working order. I was way too confident. I scrubbed the vent covers and moved all of the chairs back into place, when something caught my eye. I am most definitely one of those people who should wear the pin that says,"I don't have ADD, I just, ooh look something shiny." I decided that my corner cabinet would look pretty with a green ribbon hanging from the door pull. Forgetting where I was and that there were holes in the floor, I headed to the corner. Now it all happened so fast that I'm not completely sure of the details, but it went something like this. In slow motion of course, in a split second that felt like eternity.
"Oh my goodness where am I going. Has the earth opened and I am now on a journey into the center? Oh holy goodness. Little, tell everyone I love them. Go get help. Ahhhh. Oh I am such a goner. How am I still falling. Oh Littlest's new bike, maybe I can catch myself. Oh that hurt, not a good idea. How am I still falling. Thud. Ok now how do I get out. Whoo, is anything broken. ok. no blood. Littlest why are you just standing there, and why is there a smile on your face. Kick in your superpowers and save your mommy."
Now all of that happened in the most split of seconds as I said and yet it took me fully three hours to remember why I was headed into the corner in the first place. I still can't find the ribbon. Littlest little watched and asked his usual "Wha' doing mommy".
"Oh nothing honey, just hanging out in the floor,"I thought to myself. I think there was a slight giggle in there as well. To be completely honest I can't blame him as I most likely would have laughed had I seen someone else do what I had just done. I thought of myself half draped over the new Thomas bike, one foot in the bowels of hell and the other on carpeted floor. I pulled myself out and looked myself over. No blood or bones protruding, all fingers and toes in place, just the faint sight of blue slowly creeping up various parts of my body. Thankfully, other than bruises that I found randomly throughout the afternoon, I am fine.
It is a good story, that of the likes of some of my Dad's. With his permission I will tell some at another time. They are good, but to be honest they are a thousand times better when told in front of my Grandmother, who laughs until she cries every time they are told. Just the sight of her laughing like that will fill your heart with enough joy to last a good long while. I am honestly happy to carry on the family tradition, of not only getting hurt, but of getting hurt in the most bizarre and amusing situations.
I did learn a valuable lesson through pain. I already knew not to do anything too dangerous while alone with a three year old and I can honestly say that walking through the living room shouldn't need to be on the list. You see, last weekend my father in law fell in his yard. My husband and others laughed and teased, not because he fell, but because he wouldn't let my Mother in law get help from the neighbors. While I didn't laugh at the fall, I did when I was told the stories of the teasing and suggestions that they may need to purchase Life Alert for him. I'm honestly not sure why I was chosen but I think that possibly it was Karma that led me across the living room to my demise and when I was in just the right place it reached up, grabbed my ankle and tried to pull me into the heating duct. No matter what the reason I have learned my lesson and you bet I will be there wielding my hammer when we make the ramp for my Father in law. Don't be worried, either way. You see, my superpowers usually work well with tools, and if they kick out by some chance that day, you will surely get to hear the story.